There is something that I think about at least three times on a busy day and when this happens every day this can be easily categorized as an obsession. I do not suffer usually from OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) so having this obsession is an overwhelming experience that I decided to attend to.

 

I have never tried stripping in the middle of a highway but this revelation of mine feels like it. Specifically I am bearing my soul in here. So please no judgment. No labeling. No nothing. Just go with the flow.

 

I have come to peace with infinite matters in my life yet this haunting voice is refusing to be suppressed.

It is that thought about how people who are once so close and possibly soul mates become perfect strangers. They can pass easily next to each other like ships in the night.

Every time I see a couple I am brooding this idea in my mind and even if I don’t see a couple it would still come on and off.

 

This at some vulnerable times renders me scared to loose my beloved ones. Scared to have my beloved ones become perfect strangers and at less vulnerable times just floats around wondering about people.

 

The antidote of this happened few years ago when I went through divorce. Despite the drama and the complicated procedures that surround most of divorces, I must say that I really took it so smoothly. I mean I even doubted myself of being heartless or something?! It was like just another document that I sign…And..the phobia of “perfect strangers” wasn’t there the least. By the way this phobia doesn’t even have a name so is it like nobody felt before I do? Even skimming through my life through few breakups , that fear did not exist. It is so dam relatively new to me and there is no direct condition that I can pinpoint that is triggering this. I, thank God, did not loose a close person recently. I have had some emotional turmoil but I would say I emerged from them gracefully. Or so I think.

My heart has healed and it has remained crack open though after the storm and I am enjoying it. Love can flow in and out of it abundantly.

 

I came even to peace when longer years ago my dad got Alzheimer and one day he didn’t recognize me. Me his spoiled child he talked to me as if I was an incognito. We became almost perfect strangers and I graduated with one more strength certificate out of this killing pain. I accepted the fact that I became a “perfect stranger” to my beloved dad…

 

I don’t get why I have this now few years later. Is it like my subconscious mind took endless time to digest my divorce or is it like I do value the current people in my life way more and I do panic about the idea of loosing them?

Ok let me just clarify one thing. I know very well that if I decide to move on from any sort of current relationship in my life (friendship, love, work…), I will do swiftly with or without that intense fear. It just won’t stop me. I think I am more immune to that. Yet with or without losing those valuable people in my life this fear will remain. It is like it has little to do with what happens personally to me and more to do with what happens with the entire world.

 

I am a life coach and I am centered on relationship coaching. One day I see couples deeply in love and in perfect harmony and the other day they are “perfect strangers”. I am unable to live with that happening in life though.

 

I kick people ass to get out of unfulfilling relationships, be it love or friendship or work or whatever. I do that all the time in my personal life and as a coach equally. Yet I am not coming into terms with this. I find it ironic. I find it cruel. I find it inhuman. How can a person be almost the center of your life and then the next day become “any” person.

 

I am aware that this is called Life and it goes on. It fucking does. I am aware that people parting ways is the most vital matter in this Life. I just can’t get over it.